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When the Hummingbird Flies Away

28 Oct

You ever try to take a picture of a hummingbird? It’s kind of hard; especially if you don’t happen to have one of those fancy cameras with all the extra add-ons. The damn things keep flitting around and all you tend to get is a ton of pictures of colorful streaks and flowers you don’t know the names of. That’s kind of what it’s like when you go to the obstetrician and they’re looking for the heartbeat of your baby. Luckily, their technology is way better than anything you can afford so, you get results. To me, an unborn child’s heartbeat has always kind of sounded like a slowed down version of what a hummingbird’s wings might sound like as it flies. I was calling the heartbeat of my babies a “hummingbird heartbeat” way before Katy Perry wrote a song about it… I like my interpretation better, by the way.

On a seemingly unrelated note, I could not have been born. It’s true. Before becoming pregnant with me, my mom was pregnant and due in May of 1980. She had a miscarriage. I’m sure, at the time, she went through a whirlwind of emotions… sadness, doubt in herself as a woman, and confusion. Especially confusion; the doctor had told her to stay off of her feet which makes sense to us but, she had just moved to the US from Brazil and the saying was kind of lost in translation.

Years and years would go by and my mom raised three amazing children, yours truly being one of them. At a point in her career, she was chosen to go to India and help train the employees at a call center in customer service. During her time in India, she met some kindred spirits and met one individual who touched her heart. Times had been tough between my mother and father for a while and this young man became a friend that reminded her of what it felt like to have someone in this world that was genuinely happy to see you and call you a friend. While his name doesn’t matter, his birthday does.

He was born in May of 1980.

It is my belief that her miscarriage was part of a plan for her to be able to have both of us in her life. The “powers that be” looked down the long winding road of all of our lives and realized that some things needed to go differently in order for my mother to have everyone in her life to actually get to be a part of her life.

I tell you my mom’s story, and the story of the hummingbird heart beat to tell you mine.

But before I do, I have to tell you that I have two amazingly perfect, beautiful and healthy children. I am thankful for them and will never take for granted how lucky I was to have them with no complications and no major health problems to date.

All of that being said….. My hummingbird flew away.

My husband and I decided that we want another baby and, in early July, decided that it was time to try for another one. We didn’t have to try for long; I got pregnant right away and it was hard to contain our excitement. We told family, friends, and co-workers and this was before I was even eight weeks along.

But, sometimes, things just don’t progress as they should. My hummingbird flew away. I’m not going to dwell on how, what, who or why. I am blessed with an amazing husband and two beautifully perfect children. If it is in the cards for us to add to our family, it will happen. And, if not, I will be happy with the amazing family I have.

But, I will be on the watch for my hummingbird. 


In Spite of You

16 Jul

In spite of you, I have grown into a confident wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. Not only do I know that I deserve respect and love, I demand it; although the demand never has to be made since I am the kind of person that has earned the respect and love of those I surround myself with. I am married to a man who loves me and respects me more than any THING on this earth and who has shown me what it really is to be a husband and father.

In spite of you, my two brothers have grown into incredible, loving MEN with hearts the size of mountains. To say that they are kind, loving, fun to be around, honest, intelligent, handsome, and full of life would be only scratching the surface. Should they choose to have families of their own, I know that they will be exemplary fathers and husbands, in spite of you.

Despite what you think, I have an amazing mother who has come to be one of my most cherished friends. She has taught me what it really is to be a wife and mother; selfless, loving, smart, funny, and beautiful right down to her core. I could never that her enough for what she has done to make me who I am today, in spite of you.

I will live my life and enjoy every waking moment in it. I will cherish every laugh, learn from the tears, and relish every moment I have with my children; for they are what my life is about now. My children will grow up and grow old knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they were always what gave my life meaning.

I will always recognize my faults for what they are, my faults and no one else’s. Never will I place the blame for my shortcomings on the shoulders of others. Instead, I will accept my weaknesses and learn to become a better person in spite of them; in spite of you.


15 Apr

Aaahhhh… the life of a newlywed, your marriage still has some of the stickers on it from when you took it out of the box, you spend your free time daydreaming about the wedding in all of its perfectly romantic glory, you have to stop every hour or so to keep your kids from killing each othWait, what?

Yeah, we’re the not-so-newlyweds around here. 🙂

Now, that’s not to say that there is no afterglow left over from our wedding (which was perfect, by the way). We’re still calling each other “husband” and “wife” (it really is sickening, but I love it) and we still haven’t unpacked some of our wedding presents. But we get to enjoy all of that at the same time that we get to enjoy our daughter learning how to tie her shoes, our son learning how to use the potty, and the daily strengthening bond of the four of us as a family.

I couldn’t imagine it any other way. In fact, it makes the time I spend reflecting on our wedding that much sweeter. Usually the time for reflection comes after the kids are in bed and the house has gotten nice and quiet. We look at each other and smile and talk about the family that we’ve created together. And then we hear the “thumpthumpthump” that means our son is out of bed , again. So, daddy (a.k.a. “husband”) goes and gets our little man, snuggles up with him on the couch, and lets him fall asleep in his arms.

It may not be the “wedded bliss” that most newlyweds enjoy but, it’s my bliss and I love it.

Here’s to me….

5 Apr

It’s official! The Simon and Garfunkel song is now about me because I am the world’s newest Mrs. Robinson!

To say that my wedding day went off without a hitch would be an understatement. It was perfect. It was beyond perfect. It was more than I expected and better than I could have ever imagined.

Saturday began with an everything bagel. Well, technically it was a plain bagel with everything “seeds” sprinkled all over the cream cheese, but it was still good! As is usually the case on a wedding day (from what I’ve heard) I barely got half the bagel in me before it was time to get going and get ready. First stop was the nail salon for manis and pedis with two of my favorite women in the world… my wifey (Kat) and my taterbug. Taylor sat so still and was such a big girl getting her nails done. Luckily I didn’t have any make-up on because Kat showed me the status update Daniel had posted talking about he was winning the “life lottery” that day. See why I married him?

After nails, it was time to get my hair done. Easy and simple with lots of curls and lightly pinned back from my face. From there, it was on to make-up with Dawn at MAC so I had to start keeping the tears at bay.

Once all my preparations were done, I had just enough time to go back to get everything loaded up and get to the venue on time. And then, the rockstar treatment began!

My photographer (and wonderful friend) Larry showed up and began setting up at the same time that the venue’s amazing staff started getting me whatever I needed.

But, first things first. The maid-of-honor needed to be given her present (a beautifully delicate bracelet of interlocking hearts crusted on alternating sides with diamonds) for being such an amazing woman. If you ever get the chance to meet my wifey, consider yourself lucky. She is one of the most amazing, intelligent, funny, gennuine, honest, big-hearted people on this planet and I am lucky to call her a friend. I think she liked it, at least that’s what the smile on her face and the tears in her eyes told me. 🙂

I’m gonna fast forward now to the reception. Also simple. And very quick. The minister read an excerpt from Union that I had found and I could not take my eyes off of my almost husband. To say that he looked good would be an insult. He was probably glowing as much as I was at the thought of what we were finally doing. Kissing him for the first time as my husband was one of the happiest moments of my life. If I am ever given the chance to go back to one moment in time, it will be that moment over, and over, and over.

The reception was, without a doubt, the most fun I have had in a while. Good food, great music, and the most amazing people in the world… all wrapped together to celebrate my husband and I.

I could do it all over again. I’m still living in the glow from that day. Even though he and I have been together a little over 5 and a half years and we have two kids, I feel like a newlywed. He’s my husband now, and I don’t think I could ask for anything more.

It’s almost here.

28 Mar

I cannot believe that this up and down journey with planning my wedding is almost over. We’re in the home stretch and I cannot believe that it has been about a year since I started planning this day in my head.

I have to say that, overall, this experience has been a lot of fun. I am super organized (don’t judge me by the state my house is in… I have two kids) and getting to have all these checklists and mark things as done and have to decide on so many details has been a blast. I honestly think I could do this for a living (minus the whole having-to-deal-with-bridezillas thing). It’s a shame that you only get to do this once… unless you’re Kim Kardashain.


I cannot begin to express just how excited I am. I hope I remember to sit back and soak it all in; everyone keeps telling me how fast the day will go by.

I’m gonna be married soon y’all. I can’t believe it!!  =oÞ

Things are about to get crazy.

31 Oct

Since having children, I have basically been at home taking care of them. Last year, I went back to school; I’ve been taking courses online through Argosy University to earn a Masters of Health Service Management. I’ve gone back to work here and there but always had to leave; one time my son got sick and I needed to be back at home, another time the distance I was travelling made the amount of money I was making not worth the drive or spending time away from my family.

Two weeks ago, Daniel and I decided it was time for me to go back to work, again. I started posting my resume hard core (again) and got in touch with a couple of staffing agencies. Last week was kind of crazy; schoolwork + 2 kids + driving all over creation for various interviews makes for a hectic week. But, I got (and accepted) a job offer at a mortgage company in Atlanta and will be starting there tomorrow. Not to mention that I’m going to be participating in NaNoWriMo this year. The basic goal of NaNoWriMo is to write 50,000 words of original content in a month. No editing, no second-guessing, just writewritewrite. While I don’t consider myself a writer, I would venture to say that I am creative and I have had this idea swimming around in my head and I figured that NaNoWriMo would be the best way to get all the ideas out.

I’m forcing myself to not tell the story (verbally) to anyone. If I want people to know how the story turns out, I have to get it down on paper. 50,000 words in 30 days works out to 1,667 words a day. I’ve had a tough time doing some assignments for school that had a 2,000 word count but, I think that may have been because it just wasn’t something that interested me like this is.

So yeah, it’s about to get crazy around here… work, school, 2 kids and I’m participating in NaNoWriMo AND I need to post more here.

Welp, that’s it for now.. wish me luck!!

Should I or Shouldn’t I?

14 Oct

I’m no writer… I’ve already made that abundantly clear. I am friends with writers and the ideas that come from their minds blow me away. One of my friends has actually written one book (fiction) and a book of her blogs that you can find . The novel she wrote last year during NaNoWriMo.

NaNoWriMo stand for National Novel Writing Month and the goal is to write 50,000 words of new material during the month of November. Last year I was amazed at how excited and dedicated my friend, Nina, was to get the ideas out of her head and on paper. During a visit to her house, she showed me the various outlines and print-outs and notes that she had made for the purpose of getting this novel written. And she did it. She “won” NaNoWriMo (you win when you complete the 50K) goal. She spent the next few months editing and re-editing until she was blue in the face and the end result is amazing.

As this November approaches I think, should I? I’ve said numerous times that I don’t consider myself a “writer” but, I do have ideas in my head that seem like good ideas to me. But 50,000 words? It seems kind of daunting. That’s only a little more than 1,500 words a day which doesn’t seem too bad but, I don’t know if I could manage it for a whole month.

I think I’m going to do it, mainly to see if I can. It is stressed that you don’t edit at all. The goal is to get the words down and worry about any kind of editing later. If I do decide to do it, y’all need to cheer me on, ok?