When the Hummingbird Flies Away

28 Oct

You ever try to take a picture of a hummingbird? It’s kind of hard; especially if you don’t happen to have one of those fancy cameras with all the extra add-ons. The damn things keep flitting around and all you tend to get is a ton of pictures of colorful streaks and flowers you don’t know the names of. That’s kind of what it’s like when you go to the obstetrician and they’re looking for the heartbeat of your baby. Luckily, their technology is way better than anything you can afford so, you get results. To me, an unborn child’s heartbeat has always kind of sounded like a slowed down version of what a hummingbird’s wings might sound like as it flies. I was calling the heartbeat of my babies a “hummingbird heartbeat” way before Katy Perry wrote a song about it… I like my interpretation better, by the way.

On a seemingly unrelated note, I could not have been born. It’s true. Before becoming pregnant with me, my mom was pregnant and due in May of 1980. She had a miscarriage. I’m sure, at the time, she went through a whirlwind of emotions… sadness, doubt in herself as a woman, and confusion. Especially confusion; the doctor had told her to stay off of her feet which makes sense to us but, she had just moved to the US from Brazil and the saying was kind of lost in translation.

Years and years would go by and my mom raised three amazing children, yours truly being one of them. At a point in her career, she was chosen to go to India and help train the employees at a call center in customer service. During her time in India, she met some kindred spirits and met one individual who touched her heart. Times had been tough between my mother and father for a while and this young man became a friend that reminded her of what it felt like to have someone in this world that was genuinely happy to see you and call you a friend. While his name doesn’t matter, his birthday does.

He was born in May of 1980.

It is my belief that her miscarriage was part of a plan for her to be able to have both of us in her life. The “powers that be” looked down the long winding road of all of our lives and realized that some things needed to go differently in order for my mother to have everyone in her life to actually get to be a part of her life.

I tell you my mom’s story, and the story of the hummingbird heart beat to tell you mine.

But before I do, I have to tell you that I have two amazingly perfect, beautiful and healthy children. I am thankful for them and will never take for granted how lucky I was to have them with no complications and no major health problems to date.

All of that being said….. My hummingbird flew away.

My husband and I decided that we want another baby and, in early July, decided that it was time to try for another one. We didn’t have to try for long; I got pregnant right away and it was hard to contain our excitement. We told family, friends, and co-workers and this was before I was even eight weeks along.

But, sometimes, things just don’t progress as they should. My hummingbird flew away. I’m not going to dwell on how, what, who or why. I am blessed with an amazing husband and two beautifully perfect children. If it is in the cards for us to add to our family, it will happen. And, if not, I will be happy with the amazing family I have.

But, I will be on the watch for my hummingbird. 

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