Children at a wedding

20 Sep

No one can ever truly describe just how much goes into planning a wedding. Holy mother of everything holy… there is a lot to consider but, more on that later. Since I am planning my wedding and I also have two friends that are planning theirs (one is getting married in 11 days and one is getting married this time next year) I have been in a lot of wedding talks lately. The subject that has come up the most is the subject of having kids at your wedding.

Now, I may be biased since I already have two children of my own, and I will be having kids at my wedding, and let me preface all of this by saying that I understand WHY someone would not want kids at their wedding. However, if I were invited to a “no kids” wedding, it would leave me feeling slightly insulted. Here’s why… before I had kids, I totally viewed them as screaming, snotty, loud little people (not to say there aren’t adults that are the same way) and I definitely wouldn’t wanna stand in front of a room full of them on my special day. Now that I have kids, I realize that I was taking my image of some people’s kids and applying that image to all people’s kids.

My children are VERY well behaved. While they may get crazy at home they know how to act when we are in public and they have never been one of those kids that make a scene. If one of my friends were to have a “no kids” wedding, it would feel like they were making the same assumption that I had once made.

But, there is another layer to all of this. Money. Daniel and I are paying for everything out of our own pockets and most places charge half price for kids under twelve regardless of if that kid is 1 or 11; and half price adds up fast, especially if your family has a lot of little ones, like mine.

I just think that this is one of those issues that needs to be handled with a lot of tact. If I were going with a “no kids” policy at my wedding, I wouldn’t just leave it at one line on the invitation or RSVP card. Personally, I’d make a point to call everyone that I was inviting that has kids and take the time to explain why I made that decision. It goes without saying that, if you’re inviting someone to your wedding, they are special to you in some way and great care needs to be taken when explaining why you don’t want to share your special day with their whole family.

Am I making sense? What do you think?

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5 Responses to “Children at a wedding”

  1. Beauitiful Life of Traveling Wife September 20, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

    Yes, you are making sense. Let me first say, I had kids at my wedding and they were no problem. However, can you remember planning your wedding? How everyone had an input from flowers to colors and everything in between. Now, can you imagine being a bride and having to call everyone that has a child to let them know why their kid is not invited…. that would end up opening the door for a discussion about the wedding and more opinions. I feel during the stressful time it is just best to go with the wishes of the bride and groom. Also, ever parent things their children are great and behave. I have never met a parent of the bratty child when they said “Yeah, I obviously do not have this situation under control” They always make excuses why the kid hits them, throws things.. ect. So if you truly know your kid is not the problem then do not take offense, someone else’s kid is and could possibly ruin their special day.

    • Rosangela Viana September 20, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

      I’m actually planning my wedding right now which is why it is something I am thinking about. The subject came up on a radio show I listen to and this bride’s problem was that she did not state “adults only” on the invitation and is now having to deal with explaining to her soon to be in-laws why she doesn’t want kids at the wedding.

      If I ever get invited to an adults-only wedding, I will totally respect the wishes of the bride and groom and definitely not take offense. I just felt that this is one of those “sticky situations” that I keep hearing about since I started planning my own wedding.

      • Beauitiful Life of Traveling Wife September 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm #

        It is a sticky situation indeed. My friend had an “adults only” wedding reception (kids could come to the wedding) and people were up in arms! haha

  2. Constanza October 5, 2011 at 9:01 am #

    I did not have children at my wedding but it was not out of me banning them. Only two friends of mine had kids back then and we took it as a girls together day. We were only 40 in total (including family, my husband and I!) so they just decided to leave the kids back home with the grandmothers 🙂
    But, yeah, I should not mind having little ones around.

    • Rosangela Viana October 5, 2011 at 10:42 am #

      I haven’t been to many wedding and I can see both sides of this coin. My two children are actually going to be a part of my wedding to their father and there are so many kids in our family I could not see having my wedding without them but I can also understand wanting it to be an adults-only gathering without having to worry about who’s watching who.

      I will definitely be leaving it up to the parents to decide if they want their children there or not.

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